{"id":404,"date":"2015-12-17T15:04:00","date_gmt":"2015-12-17T20:04:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tomwolosz.com\/?p=404"},"modified":"2015-12-17T15:07:52","modified_gmt":"2015-12-17T20:07:52","slug":"post-19-hamlet-instructor-of-writing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tomwolosz.com\/?p=404","title":{"rendered":"Post 19. Hamlet, Instructor of Writing"},"content":{"rendered":"

This one\u2019s a Holiday gift to all those poor line editors and writing teachers out there. I share your pain!<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Well, the semester\u2019s over. Released for a time, the mind wanders to strange odd thoughts \u2013 what if Shakespeare had been a college professor?\u00a0 Could \u2018Hamlet, Prince of Denmark\u2019 instead be \u201cHamlet, Instructor of Writing\u2019?\u00a0 A small sample below. Ponder the possibilities.<\/p>\n

SCENE Z<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Hamlet\u2019s Office<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Hamlet<\/em><\/strong> alone at his desk, a pile of papers await his attention.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Hamlet:<\/strong><\/h5>\n

To grade, or not to grade: that is the question:<\/p>\n

Whether \u2018tis nobler in the mind to suffer<\/p>\n

The slings and arrows of outrageous student essays,<\/p>\n

Or to take a red pen against a sea of misplaced modifiers,<\/p>\n

And by opposing flunk them? To grade: to sleep;<\/p>\n

No more; and, by a sleep to say we end<\/p>\n

The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks<\/p>\n

The instructor is heir to, \u2018tis a consummation<\/p>\n

Devoutely to be wish\u2019d. To grade, to sleep;<\/p>\n

To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there\u2019s the rub;<\/p>\n

For in that sleep of grading what dreams may come<\/p>\n

When we have shuffled off this run-on sentence,<\/p>\n

Must give us pause. There\u2019s the inane punctuation<\/p>\n

That makes clamity of so long sentences;<\/p>\n

For who would bear the whips and scorns of tenses mismatched,<\/p>\n

The oppressor\u2019s randomly placed apostrophes, the proud student\u2019s illogic,<\/p>\n

The pangs of dispriz\u2019d grammar rules, the misspellings,<\/p>\n

The insolence of proof reading forsook, and the spurns of advice<\/p>\n

That faculty merit of the unworthy takes,<\/p>\n

When he himself might his quietus make<\/p>\n

With a blank page? Who would term papers bear,<\/p>\n

To grunt and sweat under a weary read,<\/p>\n

But that the dread of something after the semester,<\/p>\n

The undiscover\u2019d country of the community college from whose bourn<\/p>\n

No traveler returns, puzzles the will,<\/p>\n

And makes us rather bear those students we have,<\/p>\n

Than fly to others we know not of?<\/p>\n

Thus the need of retention doth make cowards of us all;<\/p>\n

And thus the native hue of writing tasks allotted<\/p>\n

Is sicklied over with the pale cast of little thought,<\/p>\n

And assignments of great simplicity and ease<\/p>\n

With this regard their sentences turn awry,<\/p>\n

And lose the name of English.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hamlet<\/em><\/strong> picks up a paper and reads.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Horatio<\/em><\/strong>, Dean of Students enters.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Hamlet<\/em><\/strong> crumples paper and tosses it to the floor<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Hamlet:<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Alas, poor Yorick. I flunked him, Horatio.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Oh well, you get the idea. Sorry, Bill.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This one\u2019s a Holiday gift to all those poor line editors and writing teachers out there. I share your pain! Well, the semester\u2019s over. Released for a time, the mind wanders to strange odd thoughts \u2013 what if Shakespeare had been a college professor?\u00a0 Could \u2018Hamlet, Prince of Denmark\u2019 instead be \u201cHamlet, Instructor of Writing\u2019?\u00a0…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":259,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,4],"tags":[10,11,42,13,9,6],"class_list":{"0":"entry","1":"post","2":"publish","3":"author-photophoosk100","4":"post-404","6":"format-standard","7":"category-jotting-and-stray-thoughts","8":"category-musings","9":"post_tag-fun-writing","10":"post_tag-humor","11":"post_tag-rules-for-writing","12":"post_tag-worst-fantasy","13":"post_tag-writers","14":"post_tag-writing"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tomwolosz.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/404","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tomwolosz.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tomwolosz.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tomwolosz.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/259"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tomwolosz.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=404"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/tomwolosz.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/404\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":408,"href":"https:\/\/tomwolosz.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/404\/revisions\/408"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tomwolosz.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=404"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tomwolosz.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=404"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tomwolosz.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=404"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}